Live - Bajan babble
It's been a while good people, but I'm back, back on the airwaves...or electron flow or whatever the internet equivalent is. I'm not sure what happened to the writing on my return to London; dried up I did. I think, in all honesty, it was the twin evils of too much time and the lack of a tangible deadline that made it such a struggle.
The thing is, this writing lark is supposed to be about self fulfillment, the need to satisfy an inner desire or simply a need to be heard. But what no one tells you, possibly because you don't know to ask, is that no matter what drives you, you need a deadline, if whatever it is you're writing is not to take a lifetime.
I have no specific deadline, just a vague notion that at some stage in the near future the money will run out. Now some may consider this a perfectly adequate deadline, when viewed in conjunction with a Excel spreadsheet and an iron fiscal will, but then they don't know me very well. Spreadsheets I can do. It's the iron fiscal bit that troubles me. I do not posses that very particular set of genes that makes Chancellors of the Exchequer, or folk who simply live within or close to their means. I am, and always have been, a bit of a slut when it comes to money; I put out whenever I feel like it or whenever someone makes me an offer I can't refuse. As such I find constructing a budget and then trying to abide by it a futile exercise in futility. Lord knows I've tried to curb this sluty behavior - I even came close to cutting up my casino membership card once - but life is for living and as long as Apple keep bringing out the hardware equivalent of Liv Tyler, I'm doomed to vague fiscal deadlines and an uncertain future as a writer.
So what brought on this latest missive, I hear you say. A change of scenery that what. Thanks to the great kindness of my good friend GBJ, I am the temporary resident of 9 Polamar Gardens, Mullins, St Peter, Barbados. This will be a short trip compared to my American adventure - I'll be back in time for Christmas - but given the isolation and lack of transport, phone and company, it will hopefully be no less productive.
When I say lack of phone and transport, that is a little misleading as my mobile does actually work - albeit it at truly criminal rates - and I fully expect to be in possession of some form of motorised two wheeled transport at any moment. This really only leaves isolation as the main driver of productivity, and, let's face it, once the motorised two wheeled transport arrives, I won't be isolated any more. So, I'm pretty much fucked on the productivity front then, unless I'm lucky and the "domestic distraction" factor comes into play. This is a little understood but widely encountered factor that for most people manifests itself the moment they manage to convince their boss that: "it will be easier and quicker if I work from home today". Famous bleedin' last words. The simple facts of the matter are: offices don't have piles of dirty laundry and washing up sitting around, there aren't kettles and condiments sitting on each and every desk, and office maintenance, i.e. replacing blown bulbs, cleaning scuff marks off the floor, hoovering, etc, is someone else's responsibility. As a consequence, people are able to get their work done. Try working in an environment where the opposite of the above applies and these things are your responsibility, and presto, all of the above and a tidal wave of other things, that have been overlooked for the past god knows how many years, will immediately take precedence over whatever it is that you told your boss you would be able to do quicker and easier at home. In my case, or more precisely, in my present situation, that being not in "my home" and thus not responsible, the "domestic distraction" factor (DDF) will hopefully work in my favor.
All of this may suggest that my writing output is prisoner to all sorts of questionable or subjective, perhaps even perverse factors, and this may well be true. Rest assured however, I am made of sterner stuff and, to quote Mr Thompson, when the going gets tough, the tough turn pro.
More on house, heat, lizards, rum, karaoke and counterfeit $100 notes to follow. Live chat can be had on 001 246 267 0055.
[@ 12:16 AM GMT]
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